
STARFARCE COMMAND STANDARD-ISSUE PRIMER FOR YOUNG CADETS AND OLD PEOPLE


New to spacefaring, eh?  Lack of gravity got you up and down?  Well, none of that matters now that you're a member of the illustrious STARFARCE NAVY.


Do you remember 10-Star Admiral Tigonderoga's rules of conduct in the Galactic Navy?

You don't?  

No problem!  We've put them here for you just in case you have a bad memory (or a job that makes you particularly expendable).


STARFARCE RULES:
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1.  When encountering new life and civilisations, try not to blow them up.

2.  Cowardice in the face of danger CAN save lives, namely your own.

3.  In space, never let 'em see you sweat.  How hot can it be in a vacuum, anyway?

4.  If you can't do your job, find someone who can.

5.  Pickup everything not tightly secured to a surface and/or dangerous.

6.  NEVER lose your Scanatron.

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"Scanatrons?  We don't need no stinkin' Scanatrons!" - The Sombrerons



Did you remember to pack your Galactic Utility Implement along with all those meat pies ma gave you?  Your G.U.I. is the single most important tool you'll use in the STARFARCE NAVY (aside from your feet) so a checklist is in order.



GALACTIC UTILITY IMPLEMENT V5.2 CHECKLIST:
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1.  Make sure the 'LEFT' and 'RIGHT' buttons on your virtual device are in working order, otherwise you may not be able to INTERACT/NAVIGATE (LEFT) or SCAN (RIGHT) your surroundings.

2.  The 'S' button will allow you to keep your duty roster updated at all times with STARFARCE COMMAND.  In addition to your superiors knowing exactly what you are doing at every moment, it has the added bonus of creating what is known as a TIME SLICE, allowing you to return to a single moment in time with the push of a button!  Which button, you ask?

3.  The 'L' button will search your duty log and revisit your last TIME SLICE.  This is particularly handy if you're about to be eaten by giant space worms.  Remember, you can only have one TIME SLICE, so make the most of it!

"Time is the slice of life!"  Dr. Zaniac


4.  Your GUI can be used to contain a list of items in your possession.  Items in this list can be selected with the 'LEFT BUTTON' or studied with the 'RIGHT BUTTON'.  A new feature in this build of the GUI v5.2 is the ability to see how items will interact with each other.  Simply select an item with the
'LEFT BUTTON', move the holographic representation of it over another item, and then press the 'RIGHT BUTTON'.  Easy AND useful!  Now you don't need to fiddle around to learn that coins and a Class-A laser create nothing useful at all!

5.  To the right of the item list window are convenient buttons for moving through the list.  Don't forget they're there, otherwise you might forget more important things later (like wearing a space suit when you enter an airlock).


6.  Finally, to turn off the GUI when you want to get some much-needed sleep, there's a convenient button on the upper right which is activated by pressing the LEFT BUTTON.  Choosing 'YES' will shutdown the GUI, while 'NO' will not shut it down.


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"I never go anywhere without my GUI...and a comb." - Intergalactic Hero Brash Wolf



SPECIAL ADVICE:

1.  Have you ever wanted to talk to someone but didn't know just the right way of going about it?  Well now you don't have to, because we've done it for you!  Just press the handy SPACE BUTTON on your virtual device and everyone will be awestruck by your conversational skills.  Really!


2.  Do you like options?  

SO DO WE!  When you're in the cold reaches of space it's important to have options, especially when your ship is about to explode, the entire crew has gone mad from a space disease, and you've got a really nasty itch on your backside.  Pressing the 'F1 BUTTON' on your virtual device will give you all the options you need, and more!


3.  Whenever you're in an environment that can spell certain doom (this will happen often) don't be afraid to update your duty roster.  And if you are wondering who will come along and load your TIME SLICE when you die, don't worry!  It's handled for you AUTOMATICALLY!

Isn't science great?


4.  Scan EVERYTHING.  You never know when a piece of information in the old Scanatron will save your life.  That's what Intergalactic Hero and all-around Good-Guy Brash Wolf says, so take his word for it!

5.  Feeling a bit outclassed?  The universe just a bit too dangerous for you?  Then why not try life as a PANSY!  Sure, it's not as glamorous as being a TOUGH SPACE HERO, but at least you'll live to tell the tale!

6.  SAVE YOUR RATING.  You never know when a performance rating will be handy, so make a note of the rating your superiors give you.


We hope you've enjoyed this primer to the STARFARCE NAVY.  We also hope you brought along lots of spare trousers since our officers go through them like licorice.  


We're counting on YOU to make space a better place, so don't go mucking it up for the rest of us!




"Yay!" - PFC Lucky Lemming


Questions? Want to share your love of all things Limey?  Send an email to ProgZmax@gmail.com today!
